she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
