I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
