Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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