idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
