i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
