im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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