you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
