I just threw up on my dentist
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
