a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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