she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
