she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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