Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
