if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
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he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize