I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
