All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
