she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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