You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
