I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
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Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
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I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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