The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
