I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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