And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
third nipple confirmed
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
