i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
