youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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