Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm like, not good at living.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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