barbara walters just said penis...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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