I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
