OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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