Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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