He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
sex in a hospital.. check
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
