this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
