4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
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