Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
