i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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