I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
