just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I currently don't understand fingers.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
