It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
