found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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