obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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