The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
