i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
we're making bets on your personal life
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
