The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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