I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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