I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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