I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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