You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
