Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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