I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
