I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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