I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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