ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
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