If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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