yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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