I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
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We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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