Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
