So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
