i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
