Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
