She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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