Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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