So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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