please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
