Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
