I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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