In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
