that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
