Dual....:-)
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
